Why were we born ? In this time, In this place. Why ? I was born in Hiroshima. Why Hiroshima ? I’ve thought about these questions since my experience 45 years ago.
My family and I lived in Puerto Rico in 1978. We visited a near island where my father’s business client’s president lived. We took a cruise with his boat. It had a living room, a bed room, a kitchen. He fished marlin. A very few Japanese junior high school students can experience that. An award ceremony for fishing was took place. Boys and girls at my age were looking down the show from the bridge, eating sugar cane. All kids didn’t wear shoes. I was shocked by the difference between me and them. I’ve been thinking why this gap happened.
According to World Food Program, more than 800 million people don’t have enough food. But we easily throw away food. Why does God leave this difference ? I think because God gives the meanings for that. Nothings exist without the meaning.
The ultimate case, innocent babies died just after they were born. Their parents only had despairing feelings.
It’s cruel, but I believe it also has meaning.
Life is unpredictable, but persons make their plans. I wrote my future timeline when I got my first job. My table was to become a manager by 30, I’ll buy a house in 20s, I’ll get married and how many children we have so on. But this plan suddenly collapsed when I was 30, I got a serious disease. Mania. I didn’t know what is mania then. I walked in the factory at the company, and yelled at managers and pointed out problems. I was just a staff, but I acted like a president. I know this is mania’s symptom now, but I was very serious.
I truly thought the company was in a serious situation. I thought the management would do layoff. I’m afraid of one since I saw one and talked with dismissed persons when I was on a business trip in Sweden.So I decided to report my idea to the president. Before that, I talked to a sales manager. He said he didn’t understand my plan, but he promised me he would arrange a meeting with the CEO and said “ Be patient.” But I couldn’t. I backed to my office and made a 30-minute speech. Many staff from HR tried to stop me, but they couldn’t. I finished I wanted to say and directly moved to the HR and signed the resignation.
After hours I realized I made a terrible choice. I didn’t know how to make a living. I went to my favorite hotel and went to the bar at the top floor and drank whiskey which I rarely drank.
I’ve chosen my hospital now since 2020 and I took a 8- day program about studying bipolar twice. My case is rare.I don’t have depression, only mania. The doctor taught us it was a brain disease. The brain sickness made me leave the company. I thought it was an awful disease.
The feeling of mania resembles to using drugs or drinking alcohol. But mania is different. Suddenly I cannot control my emotion. My doctors subscribed stronger or more quantity of drugs. But sometimes it wouldn’t work. I’ve heard mania is incurable. So I have to deal with the symptoms until I die.
I’ve been mania for 30 years. I lost all money, all jobs, Miss right, and all friends. But I believe there is the meaning why I have mania and I accept this fate.
I quitted my first job at 30. I was lost, because I planned to work there until my 60s. I didn’t go to book stores, but I went a big book store to solve my difficult situation and then I found a prominent Japanese leader Inamori Kazuo. If I didn’t get the sickness, I wouldn’t have a chance to know him. His lessons are so precious to me. They are more valuable than any other lessons I was taught in schools. He showed good examples of how to live and do in business. I think my ideas are not bad, but I found how to do was wrong. Knowing him is one of reasons I can say I was lucky for the sickness.
I didn’t understand his books then. But that time I remembered he said he created hundreds of thousands of jobs and earned hundreds million dollars, he said these are not the meanings of his life. One of my plans was becoming a manager. His scale was astronomical. I understood my plan was meaningless.
I think the meaning why we are born is “ To be the happiest”. The movie I watched when I was 20s explained the reason. It was a couple who were separated at a checking point at war. After a war they were both trying to find each other and finally they met each other, but the woman was died next day. I thought she was the happiest. Happiness is not determined by time. It appears and disappears repeatedly. The ideal is that persons reach to the happiest when they die. So we should keep seeking and never give up.
I believe there is the only one thing we can bring to the heaven. It is our heart. Mr Inamori said “make your heart better, grow your business.”he said we have to work our heart better first, otherwise no business or no life goes well. I believe giving love to others is one way to improve our heart. Money, products and status would be nothing without love.
Love is the essential element for happiness.
I don’t know what is my heaven’s order. But I believe a common heaven’s order for everybody is to become the happiest. This is the destination we all go.I believe this is the meaning of life.